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Seven habits of a highly effective Brian in 2009…


Image courtesy of *L*u*z*a* on Flickr

I have always made New Year’s Resolutions.  Like everyone else, they have usually been less than successful.  We start out the new year with grand visions of change in our heads.  By the time January is over, we have grown bored of the changes we want to make.  This year I am not going to make any resolutions.  Instead I am going to focus on seven habits in my life.  These habits are vital to my well being.  Some of these are things that I am simply going to continue to do.  Others are a new part of my life.  These pursuits are necessary to me if I am going to continue growing as a person in 2009.   Here they are in no particular order.


For many years, I have been an atheist.  It seemed so absurd that an invisible being was controlling everything.  It seemed illogical.  After this past year and all the reflection that I have had, it seems absurd to me that there is not a spirit that is in everything.  There have been many signs in my life that God is reaching out for me.  I want to reach back.  I do not know what flavor of religion I will end up subscribing to.  I am not even sure that religion is even what I want.  I do know that I need to have a relationship with God.  The details will work themselves out over time.  I just know that there is a God.  There is an eternal spirit that is in the universe and I want to experience that spirit in my life.


I was given the gift of meditation this past year.  I was intrigued and took to it quickly.  The power of meditation amazed me.  I always set aside time in my day to meditate and to recenter myself.  I was able to soothe my soul, and focus on the good things in my life.  The past couple of months I have let myself skip my meditation.  Work and coaching have consumed my life.  Days and weeks actually went by before I realized what was missing.  I felt out of balance and not as in control of my emotions as I had when remaining diligent in my meditation.  I had a major fallout with Steph during my time of weakness.  I started meditating again and have been able to keep my head on straight.  I learned that for me, meditation is like medication.  I will never go without it again.


I have been trying to use Dialectical Behavior Therapy to quiet the emotions that run so strongly through my head at times.  After reading several books that describe the skills that DBT teaches, I have become more patient and calm.  I have found ways to soothe myself when I start to feel emotionally unbalanced.  Admittedly, I have not been able to control my emotions all of the time, but if I continue to follow the lessons that DBT teaches, I will become the master of my emotions.


I am not out of shape.  I am however 43.  Things can always be tighter, stronger, and in better shape.  I have the opportunity to be in great shape.  I will lose the last ten pounds and tone myself this year.  I am better physically right now than I have been in previous years, but I have some work to finish.


Speaking of completion, I must finish tasks that I start.  The entire premise of this blog was for me to be able to change myself from a slacker to a finisher.  My personal problems side tracked this goal and I let house projects stay on the back burner.  I need to finish the projects that I have started even though I will not be living in the house.  Those projects were started in good faith and started as a promise to improve our home.  The promises must remain unbroken, even though they have been neglected.


This is a new habit that I need to learn and practice.  It seems that I often hurt the feelings of others and make them feel second rate.  I didn’t even realize that I have that effect on people until recently.  Through sarcasm and body language I often come across as though I am better than everyone.  I must change this in myself.  The change must be immediate and it must be permanent.  I am reading a book about this change.  The book is Love Without Hurt by Dr. Stephen Stosny.  He has helped thousands of people with emotional abuse.  It is hard for me to use the word abuse because I don’t drag people down consciously.  Never the less making others feel subordinate even semi-regularly is abuse, even if it is not on purpose.  I will work through this and I will never again cause the people in my life to walk on eggshells.


I started blogging about five months ago.  I thought that it would be fun and may help me to get my feelings out in the open.  Litte did I know that it would be so theraputic.  I have been able to share with strangers so many things about myself that I have kept inside.  I have had many people comment and show interest in me and in my life.  Yet, I allowed myself to slack (surprised?) on blogging when basketball started.  I should have made time to blog, I will make time to blog, I must make time to blog.

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2 comments to Seven habits of a highly effective Brian in 2009…

  • Brian,
    Best to you in making these all part of your 2009!

    Lances last blog post..Think And Grow Rich

  • Ray W.

    Key is avoiding being a “RELIGIOUS” person. Religion is so much based on what Man wants, rather than what God wants. Religion tends to satisfy and glorify man, rather than giving the Glory to God. We get ritualistic and think that, “if I do this again and again (go to church, say a certain prayer, give to the poor) that God will be happy. But God said “If you love me, keep my commandments”. He only ever said to pray to him in the name of Jesus. He never said to pray to man endorsed saints or Mary. Keep His Commandments. Be Christ Like. Having a relationship with God is what he wants, not someone going through the motions of some man made group following the guidelines that men, not God made up, to make themselves “feel” closer to God. Gods word said “draw nigh unto me, and I will draw nigh unto you”. Add it reads “Study to show thy self approved unto God.” Practice giving time to God, just avoid the rituals that will no doubt pull you farther away. ttyl My Friend.

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