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The 18 year drip…

Image courtesy of jonrawlinson on Flickr

Eighteen years is a long time.  It was eighteen years ago that Buster Douglas knocked out Mike Tyson, Mikhail Gorbachev was elected as the first executive president of the Soviet Union, Microsoft released Windows 3.0, and Germany was unified.  October 27, 1990 is a day that will forever be in my heart.  That was the day that I married the love of my life.

I recently watched video from our wedding.  I remember that day as though it were yesterday.  The faces of my groomsmen, our friends and family, especially my grandparents.  They are no longer here but I still love them and am amazed that they made their marriage last “forever”.  I remember being very nervous and emotional, especially as I watched the most beautiful woman in the world walk toward me.  I knew that we would make it “forever” just as my grandparents.  The video brought back memories of everyone that made it to our celebration.  As I watched the video, I can honestly say that everyone has aged considerably, except for my bride.  She has grown more beautiful every day since then.  As I watched our first dance, I can remember that feeling that everything would be perfect forever.

Over the years I can honestly say that we never had “bad” times.  We didn’t have big fights.  Although we didn’t argue much, I can see now that we didn’t communicate well either.  We didn’t build our love stronger.  I think that we saw marriage as the end rather than the beginning.  We thought the work was over.

Do you know what can happen in eighteen years if just a little water runs over the ground?  A huge amount of damage can be done.  At the beginning the erosion is hardly noticeable.  Given enough time, it can be devastating.  Homes can be lost to erosion.  As I said, our marriage never had huge problems.  However there was a drip, drip, drip in our life.  We didn’t even notice it at first.  That drip has worn a path between us.  That path has become a gorge.  Now we are standing on opposite sides of it, and wondering if our home will fall victim to the erosion.

Erosion damage can be repaired.  The ground can be made more stable than before.  It may take dredging, back filling, rebar, concrete, and many hours of hard work.  I really hope that we can repair the erosion of a beautiful union and I am willing to do absolutely anything.  I know that I can only work on my side of the gorge.  I can read manuals, collect tools, and make plans; but Steph has to decide if the damage on her side can be fixed. As my side gets repaired, the gap between us will be smaller, but it still may be too large for her.  She may very well have given up and we will watch our home fall into the abyss.  I can only see the damage from my side, she can only see from her perspective.  I must admit I pray every day that we find the courage to start the repairs.

I really want to hold her and feel her breathe as we sleep.  It has been so long,  I will have to wait longer.  We have decided to treat today like any other day this year.  It is still a day of reflection and hope for me.  But, if our house falls victim to the erosion and we are forever on opposite sides of the gully, I will still be able to see her on the other side.  I will be amazed as she grows more beautiful every day, both inside and out.  The home we made together, our marriage, will forever be strong and proud in my heart.  I will also know in my heart that I married the right woman.  We just didn’t see the drip…

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6 comments to The 18 year drip…

  • What a special day your wedding day is. Sometimes before you know it time has passed. Sometimes the damage can be prepared. Sometimes it just may take time. I wish you the best. If its meant to be it will….I think life gets so busy we forget to take time out for each other. Take care…

    Dawns last blog post..A Much Better Day…

  • yellowbird

    Brian, it has been an awful long time since you posted anything. So I thought I would reply to your last post “the 18 year drip”……sounds a little like what I have been through in the past. In my case it seems as though I went along with my spouse because you think you should. Even though you don’t want to, or maybe have another idea of the way things should be. It is easier to just go along with the others way of wanting things done just to keep the peace. And we try to make our spouses happen and sometimes it is at our own mental expense. I was just too weak and had no confidence in myself to do anything but go along. Well guess what… I was able to finally find that confidence that I needed to say “enough is enough”. You have controlled me long enough, and belittled and brow beat me long enough. I AM a capable and able person and I WILL over come this part of my life. Could this be some of the reasons your home is eroding?? There goes that curious mind again. Take care now.

  • This past couple of weeks have really kicked me in the butt! I have been working ten hours a day and basketball has started (I coach 7th grade girls). The additional time that I have had to devote to it has really taken over my blog time. I need to get back to it though, I really miss it. As for your question about the cause of the erosion at home, I don’t believe that I feel the same way as you did in your situation.

    Thanks for getting me at least commenting on my own blog!

  • yellowbird

    You might have misunderstood me Brian……..I meant your wife might have felt this way, and just couldn’t go on the way things were.

  • You may be right, I am not sure. It would not surprise me since I have been an ass at times. Only she can answer that…

    By the way she is SO much more than capable…

  • yellowbird

    Happy Holidays to you. Keep on growing for your own benefit.

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