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I am worth it questions…

Image courtesy of trazomfreak on Flickr

This past week Steph and I got into a “discussion”.  It was a discussion that should have never happened.  She had decided to paint her room.  No big deal right? I see that now, but at the time I regressed back to my old emotionally challenged self and made a big deal out of it.  In my mind it is still “our” room and I felt that she was painting it just to exercise the ghost of Brian from it.  Even if that were the case, she has every right to try to move on with her life.  I was hurt.  I instantly felt rejection and anger.  I called her and tried to tell her that my feelings were hurt.  Buttons were pushed, we fell into our old fight patterns and we argued…about paint.  Later I realized just how stupid I had been.  I called her back and apologized.  I explained what my feelings were and how I meant the conversation to go.  I did it right that time.  Too late, the damage was already done.

I have been asking myself four questions when I feel the urge to lash out.  They are the “I am worth it” questions.  I read about them this past summer in a book called “In Control: No More Snapping at Your Family, Sulking at Work, Steaming in the Grocery Line, Seething in Meetings, Stuffing Your Frustration” by Redford and Virgina Williams.

The four questions are…
1.  Is it Importnat?
2.  Am I acting appropriately?
3.  Is It Modifiable in a positvie way?
4.  When I balance the needs of others and myself, is it worth it?

These questions, asked in this order, help to make the decision whether or not to have a discussion.  The first one is asked and if the answer is yes, then the second question comes into play and so on.  If at any time the answer to the question is no, then it is not worth pursuing further.  If I would have asked myself the questions, I clearly would have not been able to get past the first one.  It is definately not important if she paints our room.  I let old habits take over where I am trying to plant new ones.  I probably took a huge step back in her eyes as well.  My emotional garden needs some weeding…

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